


Douchebag: Pester Rose. In Real Life.

by Pram_The_Oracle



Series: JohnRose Grimdorks Week 2018 [2]
Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: F/M, Flushed Romance | Matesprits
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-08
Updated: 2018-07-08
Packaged: 2019-06-07 01:06:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15207464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pram_The_Oracle/pseuds/Pram_The_Oracle
Summary: Sunday Part 2: BodtierAlternate Universe, Flushed John x Rose, Flushed Dave x Jade, SFW.A babe hunter on the prowl gets more than he bargained for when he tries to pick up Rose...





	Douchebag: Pester Rose. In Real Life.

You sit there on the sand, your speedo bunching up on you as you survey your surroundings. It’s a typical day at the beach, with perfect weather to relax under the umbrella, sunbath, play in the water, and all those things people come to the beach to do.

Not you though. No sir you’re here for one thing and one thing only: pick up hot girls. So far you haven’t had much luck. Finding hot girls, that is. Problem picking up girls? You? Pfft, yeah right. Still, the day is young, and you’re not one to give up easily. You give another look around…

Ah ha! That tasty number over there, the one sitting under an umbrella reading a book. Short blonde hair, no flab, legs to die for, and those breasts! The orange bikini she’s wearing could barely hold in those puppies. Mmmm… papa likey. With your target locked, you hurry and make your way before she’s scooped up by another player.

“Howdy miss, come here often?” You say as you slow your walk. Ahh, can’t beat the classic lines. She merely gave you a passing glance before returning back to her book.

“As a matter of fact, no, it’s my first time here.” She answered. Perfect lead in for scenario B: tour guide.

“New around here eh? If you don’t mind, I can show you around, there’s quite a few interesting locations here, like where there’s choice waves and the best food.” You say, while also adding in your head certain spots like that cave near here where nobody will come.

“Thank you for the the offer, but I don’t think my boyfriend would want me to go with a strange man on our day out.” She answered as she flipped a page. Dammit, she’s taken! Now that you’re looking around her, you noticed two bags, one purple and one green. Well you’ve never been one to back down from the challenge of winning a chick’s attention from their lame boyfriends

“Come on girl, ditch that zero,” you began, as you start to flex your muscles “and get with the HERO!” Oh yeah you’re killing it now. No girl can resist Janiqua and La-sha (pronounced Ladasha), your left and right arms.

Is she giggling? That… was not the response you were looking for. “Oh do forgive me good sir,” she said as she coughed to stop her giggling. “While I am sure that there are many fine ladies who would be glad to accompany you, I must repeat that I have a boyfriend whose company I very much prefer to yours.”

Before you can talk back, you hear a voice behind you. “Hey Rose, who are you talking to?” This must be the boyfriend. Well, time to make a show of intimidation girls. You flex your muscles before turning around to address the cuck, and seeing just abs and blue shorts.

You look up.

Then you looked further up.

Holy crap where did this giant come from? You’re a bit on the short side, but this lumbering hulk has to be at least 2m tall! Your eyes give him a quick look over. Bulging Biceps (don’t get jealous girls), those damn abs and chest, heck, even his feet are huge. The only thing ruining the brute ‘s musclebound looks were his dorky glasses.

As you were too busy being wowed by the oaf’s appearance, the girl behind you answered his question. “Oh just a kind gentleman who offered his tourism services to me, but I kindly declined. You were on your way were you not sir?”

Turning back towards the girl, you can see she’s done entertaining you. Still, you’ve got one final ace up your sleeve. Not every muscular dude has the inner strength to match their exterior, so you take a shot of your final trick: scare the musclehead.

“Listen here dork,” you say as you jab him in the abs with your fingers, “I don’t know how you scored with this girl, but she is going to be spending time with me so step off, you hear me?”

The brute just looked at you confused, before looking over your head to look at the girl behind you. You hear a quiet “You know what to do John. Get rid of him.” before you are bodily picked up by her boyfriend.

“WHOA HEY PUT ME DOWN!” Ignoring you, the lad positioned you under one of his arms and held you tight with one arm. Struggle as you might, it’s like trying to break through Steel. Holy crap what kind of workout did he do to gain this much strength?

You swore you heard the girl say “Swoon!” before he carries you away, to the giggles of the other beach goers. Argh did they have to humiliate you like this? As you reach the edge of the water the oaf asks, “Can you swim?”

“What kind of stupid fucking question is that? Of course I can swim! Now unhand me you-”

He interrupts you with an “Oh good” before he actually throws you bodily into the water. Gasping for air and spluttering, you wiped the water from your eyes and tried to find him again. No sign of him. Good. Not that you’re scared or anything, but you might be done for the day.

As you walk towards your car however, you take notice of another fine female thing. Long black hair, cute face, and a body that one piece swimsuit just isn’t hiding yowza! To top it off, the only companion she seemed to have is a thin twig of a man! With confidence, you approach them.

It was too late to notice that this girl was veeeeeeeery similar to the boy from before. Too late to prevent you from limping your way home in any case.

Man, next time you’ll steer clear of the 10/10 girls. You’d settle for a 9 next time.

**Author's Note:**

> Headcanon: John and Jade are buff, Rose is a babe, and Dave is a twig-like lean mean killing and loving machine.


End file.
